HELO! Here's JohnnyInner Monologue of an Enigmatic Virtual Adept

How much of human life is lost on waiting, running, hiding.  We all do it, we all pay dearly for it.  we hide from ourselves, run from our problems, we wait for the “right time”.  Few are ever told that your problems run faster than one can, opportunity and destiny doesn’t  give a damn about the “right time” , hiding always brings nothing but regret.

For me I hid when I should have went it alone, I waited out of misguided honor  and then again thinking everything had to grand and perfect.  At 39 I am 3 months away from my 1st Million.  I could have done this 6 years ago but I got caught up in entertainment industry because I didn’t have to do it all myself, when that always been my strength.

We could have been together 4 years ago but i didn’t want to cheat on the female I was seeing when i t was that right moment for us to move forward. i should have given into my feelings then broken up with Nikki on when I got back. I was only with her because she remind me of Bella, funny thing later I figured out Nikki had been cheating on me for a while.. Every self-destructive thing she did over the next few years I will always feel some responsibility for because I didn’t act in that one moment.

The last I should have let myself get caught up with the grand gesture of making things “Perfect”, she definitely made pay for it. I don’t even know it I can call it cheating, when she basically never showed up, she faked an entire relationship.  I should be angry with her but I’m not, I love her and that doesn’t just go away. I am angry at myself but I see clearer than I have in a long time, the focus (and 90k I got back from the condo in Appleton, sowwy Gregg she never got to see the work you did) has being given me traction again on a major milestone. I will always regret what isn’t but I can’t fix what i didn’t break,  I will always be worried about her because she hasn’t stop waiting, running, hiding.

–Bello

Been trying to work on the data structures for this software all day.  Somewhat hard to focus with all that has been going on. I’ll get it done, if I have to hack thru the weekend to get the scaffolding for the Application done. I found out she broke her ankle, driving me nutty being worried about her but to not be able to talk to her.  It’s going to hurt her worse when she finds out  what the one she cheated on me with is doing behind her back. Like Justin Timberlake’s song ‘what comes around, goes right back around”.  a normal person would hate her,  it hurts me because I know she is in pain and more might be coming. How do you turn of your feelings for someone ? That instinct to protect them ? hmm , now that dream makes more sense though.

– JW